Heavy Hearts and Opened Minds

When we got our updated itinerary as we arrived for our study abroad program, I was a bit upset and frustrated when I saw that one of our free weekends was replaced with a field trip to Auschwitz. Originally, we were supposed to visit the infamous concentration camp along with our trip to Krakow, Poland. However, after experiencing Auschwitz-Birkenau first hand, I am extremely grateful that we made it a separate trip. Visiting Auschwitz was an experience that made my heart heavy and hurt me in a way that I didn't know was possible. 

We first arrived in a bus on a gloomy Saturday afternoon. The weather of the day just added to the monstrosities that we were about to experience. The rain brought about a certain contemplative emotion and a feeling that made my spirits drop even further. At first, the camp looked like a tourist trap. There were moms with fanny packs and countless people with cameras, backpacks, and umbrellas. There was a lack in reverence that I expected from everyone. However, the mood completely flipped when we got through security and started walking the path that countless before would never walk again. 

As we started our tour, the first wave of emotion hit me when I saw a simple picture of Hungarian Jews being transported to the camp. Those were real people, with real livelihoods, and real feelings. In the picture, there were men, women, children who would never again have the opportunity to live. The sheer variety in emotions was something that hurt me. There was anger, sadness, confusion in every face that I saw. Mothers clinging to their babies, strangers holding each other for support. And, on top of being herded to their destiny, they had to "pose" for a picture that a Nazi had the audacity of taking. 

The next big thing that brought my heart down to another level was the "hair room". After mass exterminations, the soldiers would take the bodies and cut off women's hair to make cloth and other various amenities out of. I could barely walk into the room. I noticed that a lot of the girls that came on our trip starting to hold their hair or touch their head. It is incredibly demoralizing to take a woman's hair. It was just one of the last strikes of power that the Nazi's took advantage of. My stomach churned and my soul was crushed just to see such an atrocious sight. 

Unfortunately, we could not take photographs in this room. Picture courtesy of  LeafPile

Throughout the trip, I kept thinking, "How could anybody, morally or physically, put another human life through this kind of torture?". Maybe the German soldiers thought that they were truly the right thing. It's easy for me to jump to conclusions about each militant, but the truth is, we don't know their lives either. Maybe they had to work at the camp to save their own family. Perhaps they were a part of an "underground railroad" to help the prisoners. I can't know, and because of that, I try not to judge. The Holocaust happened. I don't know why, but I will not question why God chose to "let it happen". It is a very important part of the world's history and it needs to be remembered so that future generations can truly see what one man is capable of doing. I have to try to side with the famous quote that Anne Frank leaves us with, "Despite everything that has happened, I still believe that people are good at heart...".

~"I'm tired, I'm worn. My heart is heavy; from the work it takes to keep on breathing. I've made mistakes, I've let my hope fail. My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world. But I know that You will give me rest, so I cry out with all that I have left."~ Mike Donehey (Tenth Avenue North)